


My Life Would Suck Without You

by adventurepants



Category: Gossip Girl
Genre: F/M, Post-Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-10-04
Updated: 2009-10-04
Packaged: 2017-10-15 22:42:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/165600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adventurepants/pseuds/adventurepants
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chuck let out a short laugh, but Serena only looked down at her stomach, thinking quietly.  After a moment, she looked up at Blair and Chuck.  “I think I’m keeping it.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Life Would Suck Without You

It was all Chuck’s fault, really, Serena thought, if she traced it back to the beginning. Chuck and Blair had been living together for a year in the lavish apartment he had bought for them. Blair had a beautiful, enormous closet, a home immaculately decorated exactly the way she wanted it, and Dorota, stolen away from her mother with only a minimum amount of protest from Eleanor. There was no ring on her finger, but she was working on it. She was happy- until she called Chuck at work one afternoon and a girl answered.

“I don’t understand why you’re so upset,” he said at home that evening. “I needed an assistant.”

Blair crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes. “You needed _that_ assistant?”

“Blair, be reasonable,” Chuck said, knowing full well that “reasonable” was not really in Blair’s repertoire. “You haven’t even met her. I’m sure you’d like her, she’s very nice.”

“I’m sure the gigantic fake breasts she’s bound to have are very nice,” Blair answered, her voice rising. She stared at Chuck angrily for a moment, before adding “Either fire her, or I’m leaving.”

Chuck’s mouth turned up in a smirk, which was not his first mistake in this situation, but possibly his worst. “You’re not going anywhere.”

“I will!” Blair was nearly shrieking at this point. “I’ll go to Serena’s.”

“Fine,” Chuck said. “I’ll just get a monkey to keep me company.”

He hadn’t really believed she would go, until she turned and stormed off to their bedroom, shouting “If my presence is comparable to a monkey’s, then I shouldn’t even be here in the first place!”

She packed a bag and left in a huff, and Chuck could only stand and dumbly watch her go- she would calm down in a couple of hours, he thought. Probably.

*

Blair showed up at Serena’s apartment unannounced, raving about “Stephanie Bitch-Longlegs” and pacing around so quickly that it almost made Serena dizzy.

“So I need to stay here for a couple of days,” Blair finished, flopping down on Serena’s bed and slumping pitifully.

Serena bit her bottom lip to stop herself from smiling- it was always best, when Blair was mad, not to tell her how cute she was being. Serena threw her arm around her best friend’s shoulders. “Of course,” she said, tugging Blair closer to her. “Stay as long as you want.”

“Thanks, S,” Blair said, leaning back into the pillows. “I swear, sometimes I think I’ve had the wrong idea all along, and I should just marry you instead.”

Serena laughed and leaned over to kiss Blair’s cheek, smacking loudly. “Aww, thanks, B. I’d be an excellent wife. Or husband?”

Blair nodded. “And we’d have beautiful children together, were it medically possible.” She sighed. “We should have thought of this before I fell in love with that idiot.”

Serena pulled Blair to her again in a hug, her expression still a mix of sympathy and amusement. “Well. If he doesn’t make it up to you, we’ll announce our engagement. How does that sound?”

Blair threw back the covers of Serena’s bed and laid down, tugging on Serena’s arm as a request for her to follow. She obeyed. “We’ll have a spring wedding,” Blair said. “And Chuck and his stupid monkey won’t be invited.”

They slept as they always had, since childhood- Serena sprawled unapologetically over three-quarters of the bed and three-quarters of Blair, who would try to shove her away once, gently, for propriety’s sake, before giving in and closing her eyes.

*

The next morning while Blair slept in, Serena went over to Chuck and Blair’s apartment to pick up a few more of her friend’s things. Blair was a terrible packer when she was in a rage.

Dorota answered the door. “Oh, Miss Serena. Maybe you talk some sense into Mr. Chuck.” She leaned in, lowering her voice. “Mr. Nate is here, but he doesn’t do so good.” Serena smiled and said she would do her best, as she followed Dorota into the apartment.

Chuck and Nate were eating breakfast. “Mr. Chuck, Miss Serena is here to see you,” Dorota announced, before disappearing into the kitchen.

Chuck looked up from his coffee. “I assume you’re here to admonish me?” he asked, his tone weary but tolerant.

“Nope,” she answered, sitting down across from Chuck and beside Nate. “Just here to pick up Blair’s shoes.”

She leaned over and picked up Nate’s fork, stealing a bite of his omelet. “Hey!” he said, grabbing his fork out of her hand. “Get your own.” Serena only grinned, and took a sip of his orange juice.

“Really though, Chuck,” she said, putting on her best you-know-better face. “You had to have known she wouldn’t be pleased.”

Chuck rolled his eyes in response. “She’s not the boss of me.”

Nate didn’t even try to stifle his laughter. “Nice one, bro. Sometimes I forget how funny you are.”

Serena giggled and nodded. “Seriously, you know how much easier your life is if you just let go and let Blair.”

“I needed an assistant,” Chuck explained, slowly and deliberately. “She was qualified. I hired her.”

Serena and Nate looked at each other, smiling. “He really doesn’t get it, does he?” She asked.

Nate shrugged. “Maybe he’s dumber than we thought.”

“Just apologize to her,” Serena said, turning back to Chuck. “And fire Stephanie.”

“I don’t need this,” Chuck said, pushing his chair away from the table.

“You can replace her!” Serena bargained, as Chuck stood and glared down at her. “With a man, or a lesbian, or… someone ugly.”

“I’m going to work,” Chuck said, ignoring her suggestions.

Left alone in the dining room, Nate and Serena turned back to each other. “We have to get Chuck and Blair back together,” she told him.

“Aren’t we a little old for that?” Nate answered, sharing none of Serena’s resolve. Serena only stared back at him. “Fine,” he said, relenting. “But if we’re going to scheme, we need to get drunk.”

Which is how they found themselves on Chuck and Blair’s living room floor at 10:00 A.M., well on their way to trashed off of Chuck’s very expensive scotch (“I don’t care how aged it is,” Serena said between swallows, “It still tastes awful.”)

Serena leaned against Nate, glass in hand. “How did Blair and Chuck even end up together? Like, when did that start making sense?” She giggled, elbowing him gently.

When they were young, there were things Serena had known for sure. She knew that Blair loved her, and would be her best friend forever. She knew that Blair loved Nate, and Nate loved Blair, and one day they would get married. She knew that Blair would go to Yale and she would go to Brown, and it would suck to be apart, but they would always come back home.

She took another sip of Chuck’s disgusting scotch, and nudged Nate again. Blair _would_ always be her best friend, but other than that, this certainly wasn’t the life their Queen B had carefully planned for them.

Nate shrugged. “Probably if we hadn’t slept together it never would have happened.”

Serena nodded. “That’s probably true. But they love each other, so. That’s good,” she said, her brain already too coated with alcohol to better explain herself- that she was sorry, still, that she would always feel guilty for her teenage sins, but that things still somehow turned out right.

They sat in silence for a few moments, until Nate, drunk but earnest, turned to Serena and said, “I really liked sleeping with you, you know.”

She smiled and patted his hand fondly. “You were all right.”

Nate’s brow furrowed in response, and Serena laughed, resting her head on his shoulder. “Come on, S. We were kids. I can do better.”

Serena lifted her head and considered this. “Okay,” she said, and leaned in to kiss him, hoping Dorota had made herself scarce.

*

Chuck fired Stephanie the next day.

A month later, Serena showed up at Blair and Chuck’s apartment, carrying a small paper bag. “I think I’m pregnant.”

*

Blair held Serena’s hand, threading their fingers, as they waited for the pregnancy test to display a result. Neither said it, but they were both thinking about the last time, when they were fifteen, and Serena was wild and careless. Blair could still remember the cold waiting room, the plastic chairs, and Serena afterwards, pale and quiet. She pressed a button on her phone to check the time. “It’s ready.”

Serena tightened her grip on Blair’s hand. “You look at it. I can’t.”

Blair reached for the plastic stick on the counter, glancing at the result and closing her hand over it quickly. “It’s positive.”

Serena dropped her friend’s hand and leaned against the wall, sliding down to the floor. Blair could see her lip quiver before she put her head down on her knees, hiding her face.

“We can fix this,” Blair said calmly. “It’s no big deal!”

Serena looked up at Blair, her eyes wide and watery. “Blair!”

Blair sighed and sat down next to Serena, putting her arm around her shoulders. “Okay, so it’s a big deal.”

“What am I going to do?” Serena tried to blink back her tears, but they fell anyway; two, then three, trailing down her cheeks.

Blair wiped them away with her thumb. “Well,” she began, an almost hopeful note in her voice. “We could keep it.”

Serena shook her head immediately. “I can’t. I’d be a terrible mom.”

“Please,” Blair said, unable to stop her eyes from rolling. “You’d be a great mom.”

“You’re just saying that.” Serena sounded desperate and lost, and Blair wanted nothing more than to just fix everything immediately for her S.

“It might be really great.” Blair’s thoughts drifted to those carefully laid plans she’d made in childhood. She and Serena would have children at the same time- a daughter for Blair and a son for Serena, who would obviously marry when they grew up. Blair had known the father of her child would be Nate, of course, but Serena’s future husband was always up in the air, a hazy figure Blair’s mind conjured as a placeholder. She tilted her head and watched Serena for a moment, who had squeezed her eyes shut in an attempt to stop crying. “Who’s the father?”

Serena’s eyes snapped open. “Oh, I… it’s nobody.”

Blair raised an eyebrow. “Who is it?”

“Nobody!”

“Serena.”

Serena sighed, giving in. “Fine. It’s Moby’s.”

Blair stared at her for a full ten seconds, irritation evident in the set of her jaw. “That’s the most ridiculous lie you could possibly have come up with.”

“But it’s true!” Serena shrugged. “It’s Moby’s.”

Blair removed her arm from around Serena’s shoulders, and crossed her arms over her chest. “I’m not going to help you if I’m just going to be lied to.”

“It’s just a guy,” Serena insisted. “And it’s not important, so.”

“Is it not important because you’re not keeping it?” Blair asked, the accusatory tone gone from her voice.

Serena didn’t answer. Blair was about to apologize, and tell her it was okay, she didn’t have to make a decision yet, when Chuck appeared in the doorway.

“What are you two whispering about?”

Blair jumped up from the floor. “Serena’s pregnant and we’re keeping it!”

“Blair!” Serena shouted. She kicked her leg out, just missing Blair’s ankle.

Chuck looked down at her. “You’re _pregnant?_ ”

Serena deflated, nodding and looking pitiful.

Chuck reached down towards Serena to help her up, and she grabbed his hand, glaring at Blair as she stood up. “Does he know?” Chuck asked.

Blair’s eyes widened, and she jabbed a finger at Serena pointedly before turning to Chuck. “ _Does who know?_ ”

Serena pinched the bridge of her nose. “He _told_ you?”

“ _Who told you?!_ ”

Chuck shrugged. “Of course he told me.”

“I can’t believe him,” Serena said, shaking her head.

Blair stomped her foot, unable to control herself. “ _Excuse me, I am speaking!_ ”

Chuck smirked at Serena and asked the obvious: “You didn’t tell Blair?”

“Of course not, it wasn’t a big deal,” Serena said, waving her hand dismissively. “Besides, you know Blair.”

Blair could only make a frustrated noise in response.

Chuck placed his hand on his girlfriend’s arm. “You might want to sit down for this one.”

Blair’s mouth fell open. “If this baby is Dan Humphrey’s-”

“Please,” Chuck interrupted her. “Like I would be having heart to hearts with _Humphrey._ ”

Blair looked at Serena expectantly. “Then who is it?”

Serena looked down at the floor. “It’s Nate’s.”

Blair leaned back against the bathroom counter, her mouth hanging slightly ajar. Serena rushed toward her friend. “B, it just happened. …Are you okay?”

Blair blinked slowly. “I’ve been waiting so long for this.”

Serena blinked back at her in surprise. “You’re not mad?”

Chuck leaned over to place his hand on Blair’s forehead, which she swatted away immediately. “Why would I be mad?”

“I thought it might bring up some things,” Serena offered, alarmed by how calm Blair seemed.

Blair scoffed. “Why, because I made the mistake of sleeping with him what, like 50 years ago? No offense. You two are perfect for each other.”

Chuck let out a short laugh, but Serena only looked down at her stomach, thinking quietly. After a moment, she looked up at Blair and Chuck. “I think I’m keeping it.”

*

Serena’s first ultrasound was something of a production. Blair chose Serena’s doctor and made her appointment, and though Serena insisted that Blair didn’t have to go along, she was relieved that Blair refused to let her do anything alone when it came to her pregnancy. Neither Serena nor Chuck, however, planned on his attendance- but he believed Blair when she threatened to withhold sex if he didn’t clear his morning and show up to support Serena.

Blair’s eyes were misty as the ultrasound tech pointed to a tiny dot on the screen. “S, he’s beautiful.”

“Oh, it’s too early to determine the sex,” the ultrasound tech said, but Blair ignored her.

“It’s a boy,” she told Serena. “I’m sure of it.”

Chuck, who had been standing several feet away from the girls, going through emails on his Blackberry, approached the machine and squinted. “It’s a peanut.”

Blair shushed him, annoyed. “He’s beautiful,” she said again, leaning her head against Serena’s as they listened to the baby’s heartbeat.

Serena had yet to say a word, stunned into silence at her first introduction to her child. Blair kissed her cheek and rested her forehead against Serena’s temple, whispering “Isn’t he amazing?”

Serena could only offer a hushed “Yes,” as she stared, more frightened than she had ever been in her life.

*

At four months pregnant, Serena had not yet told Nate. It had taken Blair two months to convince her to even tell her family. “You can’t keep it a secret,” she had argued. “I know Lily doesn’t do a great job paying attention to anyone but herself, but I’m pretty sure she’ll notice by your third trimester.”

So Serena broke the news at dinner with her mother, brother, and Rufus. They were excited, supportive- relieved it wasn’t Dan’s- and Serena was able to relax, if only a little, laughing as Eric hugged her for the fifth time. The next day, she received an ecstatic phone call from Jenny, and a labored-over text message from Dan: “Congratulations, Serena. I’m really happy for you- I mean that.”

Still, though, she refused to tell Nate. “I can’t, B. It’s complicated,” Serena insisted over lunch one afternoon- Serena was eating twice as much now, which both fascinated and disgusted Blair.

“What’s complicated?” Blair questioned, her voice rising above indoor level. “You’re having a baby! And this baby has a father, and you have to tell him.”

Serena shook her head. “No. You know how his family is. They’ll try to force him to marry me, and he didn’t ask for this, Blair. It was just a one-time thing, and we were drunk, and… it doesn’t mean we suddenly have feelings for each other. I don’t want him to feel like he owes me anything, and I don’t want him to try to force a relationship because I’m having his baby.”

“ _His_ baby,” Blair repeated. “It’s his baby too.” Her voice softened, and she reached across the table to place her hand over Serena’s. “He deserves to know, S. It’s going to be okay. I promise.”

Serena sighed, shaking her head once more. “I’m just not ready, okay? I just need a little more time.”

Blair allowed the subject to drop, but that night in bed with Chuck, it was all she could talk about. Serena and her pregnancy had fast become Chuck’s least favorite discussion topic, especially since Blair had begun trying to convince him that Serena should move in with them.

“She says she needs more time, more time, but she’s getting fatter every day, what if she runs into Nate? I mean, I know he’s not great with math, but he’d _probably_ suspect something.”

Chuck sighed. “Honestly, out of all the things we could be doing in bed…”

Blair propped herself up on her elbow. “Hush. This is important. I really think we should tell Nate.”

“I really think we should leave it alone,” Chuck said, rubbing at his eyes.

“Leave it _alone?_ ” Blair repeated in disbelief.

“It’s not our business.”

Blair pouted. “Maybe it’s not _yours_.”

“Hey,” Chuck said, taking interest in the conversation for the first time. “Nate is just as much my friend as Serena is yours. I’m just not butting in.”

“Well, don’t you think your _best friend_ deserves to know about his _child?_ ” Blair challenged, raising a perfect eyebrow. When Chuck didn’t answer, Blair continued. “I’m telling him.”

Chuck rolled over, facing away from Blair. “Good luck getting Serena to talk to you again before the baby graduates high school.”

*

In the end, Nate found out without any interference from Blair. Serena was still on occasion considered a person of interest by the tabloids, and when they published pictures of her very prominent baby bump, it wasn’t long before Nate showed up at Chuck and Blair’s apartment, demanding to know if the baby was his.

Serena was livid, so angry at the “fucking paparazzi” that she didn’t even stop to wonder how Nate had known she was there. (He’d gone to her apartment first, then texted Chuck, who had answered back, “Yes, she’s here. Basically lives here at this point, not that anyone asked me.”)

Blair fanned Serena with the offending paper. “Calm down, calm down, you’re in a delicate state!”

“Well?” Nate asked again. “Is it mine?”

Serena bit her lip and looked away from him. “This isn’t how I wanted you to find out.”

Nate eyed her stomach. “Are you even pregnant enough for it to be mine?”

“You’re pretty much the only choice aside from immaculate conception.”

Blair scoffed. “Well with Nate I’m sure it wasn’t immaculate.” She was met with glares, but shrugged, unconcerned. “I’m just saying.”

“You can calm down,” Serena said. “I’m not asking you for anything.”

Nate moved towards Serena, grabbing her hand. “S. You’re having a baby, and it’s mine. I’m not just going to pretend it’s not.”

Chuck leaned over to Blair. “Maybe we should go.”

Blair smacked his arm. “We’re not going anywhere, this is a family meeting.”

Chuck rolled his eyes and poured a glass of scotch for himself, and then another, holding it out. “Nathaniel?”

Blair grabbed the glass out of his hand. “No, he’s pregnant.”

Nate ignored Chuck and Blair, focusing on Serena. “I’m not going to walk away from my kid.”

“You tell her, Nate!” Blair said, sounding particularly pleased.

Serena turned around to look at Blair. “Whose side are you on?”

“I’m on my godson’s side,” Blair answered, turning her chin up.

Nate looked back down at Serena’s stomach. “It’s a boy?”

“I don’t know,” she said, but was interrupted by Blair:

“Yes! We’re naming it King.”

Serena watched Nate’s face carefully, unable to decode his expression. Finally, he spoke. “Can I feel it?”

She nodded, and he placed his hand gently on her stomach. Blair grabbed at Chuck’s arm excitedly and whipped out her phone to take a picture.

“I mean it,” Serena said, smiling despite herself. “I’m not asking for anything.”

Nate just let his hand rest there, unable to tear his eyes away. “Shut up, Serena.”

*

Serena allowed Nate to accompany her to her doctor’s appointment the next day. He picked her up at her apartment, looking every bit as nervous as he had picking Blair up for their first date. Serena laughed at him, surprised at how good it felt that he was coming with her. “Relax, Nate,” she said. “We’re just going for an ultrasound.”

She smiled, timidly, wondering when this- ultrasounds, her growing belly, anything about being a mother- would start to feel normal. Everything since that day in Blair’s bathroom, since those two pink lines, felt like someone else’s life. She had barely begun planning, and Blair was appalled that she hadn’t even made a baby registry yet, but the thought of these things made Serena’s chest tighten in anxiety. She didn’t feel like a mother yet, and was terrified that she never would.

The two were quiet on the ride to the doctor’s office, but in the exam room, with their child displayed in grainy black and grey on the ultrasound screen, Nate squeezed Serena’s hand in excitement. “That’s our baby?”

The ultrasound tech smiled and nodded. “That’s your son.”

Nate laughed quietly, and seemed to relax for the first time. That was his son- this was real. He leaned over to kiss Serena, but she pulled away, prickly. Still, she allowed her hand to remain in his, as she watched the screen intently, trying to take it all in. Her little peanut actually looked like a baby now, little hands and feet and face, and in five months she would be holding him. “Our son,” she said to Nate, squeezing his hand. “That’s our little boy.”

On the way home, Serena sat looking straight ahead, her hand spread protectively over her abdomen. “We’re not getting married,” she declared. “I don’t care what your grandfather says. Our baby is not a Vanderbilt, he’s a van der Woodsen.”

“Van der Woodsen-Archibald,” Nate corrected.

Serena tilted her head. “Isn’t that too much name for one baby?”

Nate shrugged, a small smile on his lips. “You just called him ours.”

Serena sighed, frustrated. “And he is, and I’m glad you want to be in his life, I really am. But I don’t want to force a relationship, and you don’t have to act like you want to be with me just because we’re having a baby.”

Nate considered his answer carefully. “What if I want to be with you anyway?”

Serena shook her head. To anyone who didn’t really know her, Serena van der Woodsen seemed to have no shortage of self-confidence, but at times she had very little faith in herself. She was twenty-two and terrified of being like her mother, of never knowing how to love someone properly. She had spent every relationship since Dan waiting to find out how she would mess it up this time.

Tired of waiting for an answer, Nate turned away to look out the window. “You’re stupid if you think you’re not worth it.”

Serena closed her eyes. “He’s kicking.”

*

Nate had grown up a lot since high school. He was more independent, more sure of himself, and he no longer let his mother’s family make any of his decisions. He had a degree from Columbia, and acceptance letters from several grad schools. He had not, however, grown out of the habit of asking Chuck for advice.

“I love her,” he told Chuck, “and I don’t know how to make her believe me.”

Chuck stared at Nate, tapping his chin thoughtfully. “While I do appreciate the distraction from my exceedingly boring work day, I have to express my doubt that what you’re feeling is actually love, and not just some misinterpretation of your feelings about having a child with Serena.”

Nate’s face crinkled in confusion. “Chuck, I’m serious. Look, I’m not just making this up. Serena… she’s amazing, and beautiful, and I haven’t stopped thinking about her ever since we had sex.”

Chuck grimaced. “That’s disgusting,” he said, but as he was met with an unappreciative glare from Nate, he continued. “Okay, so you love her. I hate to admit it, Nathaniel, but neither one of you are known for being particularly bright, so you may need to take drastic measures to get it through her head.”

“Like what?”

Chuck stood up and grabbed his phone. “Let’s take a long lunch. We’ll go ring shopping.”

*

A week later, Blair found the ring box in the pocket of Chuck’s jacket, thrown over a chair in their bedroom. “Chuck!” she exclaimed, whirling around to face him.

Chuck just stared back at her, waiting for her to figure it out.

“It’s not what I wanted, but we can exchange it!” She studied the ring more closely, plucking it out of the box. “Wait a minute. This is too big for me.” She gasped. “But not for Serena’s big peasant hands!”

Chuck nodded, and Blair pointed at him, her eyes narrow. “ _No._ ” He shrugged and took the ring from Blair, placing it in its box and stowing it away in a drawer, as she crossed her arms petulantly. “Chuck Bass! She’s already getting a baby! She does not get a wedding first, too!”

He thought about asking when this became about Blair, but thought better of it- everything was about Blair. Instead, he admitted, “I don’t think you have to worry about it.”

“Oh,” Blair said. “Wait. Does that mean he asked her already, and she didn’t tell me? I am really going to have to have a talk with her about sharing.”

Chuck sat down on the bed. “No, he hasn’t asked. But she won’t say yes. She doesn’t believe that he loves her.”

“But he does?” Blair pressed on. “He loves her?”

“He does.”

Blair sighed. “Sometimes it just takes her a while. Her mother really did a number on her, you know?” She sat down next to Chuck and leaned against him. “She should let him love her. She deserves it.”

Chuck kissed the top of her head. “You’re a good friend.”

*

In her sixth month, Serena chose a name. “If you don’t like Christopher, we can pick something else,” she told Nate, almost shy. “But I really want his middle name to be Eric.”

Nate and Serena had spent more and more time together since the day of the ultrasound. She would still sometimes prickle and pull away at his touch, but he was so sincere and _present_ that she couldn’t help but want to be around him, letting him in one piece at a time. He hadn’t asked her to marry him, but the ring was still safe with Chuck, hidden away in his drawer.

“I like Christopher,” he said. “But why can’t his middle name be Nathaniel?”

Serena grinned . “Because I’m the boss of this baby.”

Nate stared at her for a moment. “Blair told you to say that, right?”

*

In her seventh month, Serena was a ball of nerves. Blair spent about half her time convincing Serena that overzealous kicking didn’t mean she was going into early labor, and the other half that getting the hiccups didn’t mean the baby was trying to tell her something was wrong.

It was about one in the morning on a Wednesday when a sleepless Serena, instead of hitting speed dial 1 for Blair, scrolled through her contacts to call Nate instead.

“Hello?” he answered on the third ring, sounding groggy, and Serena’s cheeks flushed immediately in embarrassment.

“I’m sorry I woke you up,” she said. “I just… the baby’s kicking really hard, and then he’ll just stop suddenly, and not move at all, and I know it’s stupid but I get scared. And I can’t sleep. I just needed to talk to somebody.” She paused. “Nate?”

“Yeah, I’m awake.” He rubbed at his eyes, and raked his hair away from his face.

“I’m sorry,” she said again.

“No, it’s really fine, I promise,” he said, sounding more alert. “Hey, I’ll come over, okay? Would that make you feel better?”

She let out a small sigh. “Yes.”

He showed up half an hour later, rumpled but smiling. When she opened the door, he said, “So, not that I’m not glad you called me, but I’m a little surprised. I figured you’d call Blair.”

She pulled him inside, smiling back shyly, and led him to her living room couch. “I do, usually.” She sat down and he followed. “I thought I’d give her a break. And Chuck a break. I think he’s about at his Serena-limit.”

Nate laughed and put his arm around her shoulders, and she relaxed against him. “Chuck loves you, S. You’re kind of his sister. He just has to pretend to be annoyed by everything because he’s Chuck Bass. And Blair has never wanted a break from you, you know that.”

Serena nodded. “I guess.” She rested her head on Nate’s shoulder, sighing. “Thank you for coming, though. I know it’s late, and I’m just being stupid.”

“You’re not being stupid. And I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.”

She laughed and pushed at him half-heartedly. “Nate, stop.”

“I’m serious,” he said, pulling her back to him. “You’ll figure it out sooner or later. I’m not going anywhere.”

Serena, as usual, didn’t have an answer for that, but let herself remain in his arms.

After a moment, Nate asked, “So what would Blair do? To make you feel better.”

“This,” she answered sleepily, putting her hand on her stomach. “Ohh, Christopher. That one hurt a little bit. Put your hand here, Nate.”

Nate did as she said, grinning widely as he felt the kicks. “He’ll be good at soccer.”

Serena giggled. “You’re ridiculous.” She looked down at her stomach. “Your daddy’s ridiculous.”

“Hey,” he said. “Don’t listen to her. I’ll teach you to play. You’ll love it.”

They were quiet for a few minutes, and Nate could tell Serena was falling asleep. He shifted on the couch, adjusting them gently until they were laying down. “You don’t have to stay,” she said, almost a whisper, even as she laid her head down on his chest.

“Shh,” he said, and kissed the top of her head gently. “Get some sleep, S.”

*

The ninth month snuck up on them, and Serena went into labor just a few days early in the middle of the afternoon, while watching Nate baby-proof her apartment. “Call Blair,” she said, as she grabbed Nate’s arm nervously. “I think it’s happening.”

Blair reached the hospital first. “Serena!” she said, rushing towards them as they arrived. “What took you so long? I got you a private room. Chuck’s in a meeting, but I told him if he didn’t get here within half an hour he’d be sorry, so he’s on his way.” She kissed Serena on he cheek. “Oh, S. It’s going to be amazing.”

Serena nodded. “I just hope it’s over quickly.”

After five hours, the doctor told Serena she was dilated only three centimeters. (“ _Three?_ ” Nate had asked, incredulous. “ _I’m_ dilated three!”) The whole time they’d been waiting, Nate and Blair had been by Serena’s side, stationed at either side of her bed. Chuck refused to do more than poke his head in the room, which he did from time to time to ask Serena if she’d not had that thing yet.

“Chuck, just come in here,” Nate said. “It’s fine.”

“No thank you,” he answered, and received a scowl from Blair.

“This is our family, Chuck. Why don’t you want to be a part of this?!”

“Because it’s gross?” he offered, feeling as if this should be obvious.

Nate shrugged. “Dude, she’s only dilated three.”

“I don’t like that word,” Chuck said, and disappeared back out into the hall again.

Blair patted Serena’s hand. “I’ll be right back.”

She found Chuck leaning against the wall across from Serena’s room, occupied with his phone as usual. “Nothing bad is going to happen,” she told him.

Chuck looked up. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“To Serena,” she said, taking his hand. “You’re afraid, because of your mother, and you won’t go in that room. But Serena is fine.” She leaned in and kissed him. “I promise.”

She turned around to go back, but Chuck grabbed her arm. “I love you.”

“I know.”

When she re-entered the room, Serena was crying, and Nate was petting her hair, looking panicked. “Nate!” Blair scolded. “What did you do to her?”

Serena shook her head. “No, it’s me. I can’t do this.”

“Yes you can,” Blair said firmly as she approached the bed.

“No. Blair, I’m not ready to be a mom, what was I thinking? Nate can’t be a dad,” she moaned, tears streaking her face. “B, can I put you as the second parent on the birth certificate?”

“Hey,” Nate said, pulling his hand away from Serena’s hair. “I’m sitting right here.”

“You hush,” Blair told him, and then turned to Serena. “Scoot over.”

Serena obeyed, and Blair climbed into the bed, smoothing Serena’s hair away from her face. She kissed Serena’s temple and put her arms around her. “You can do this, S. You’re going to be an amazing mom.”

Serena sniffled. “But I don’t know how. It’s not like my mom taught me.”

“But you had me,” Blair said, smiling. “And I was great.”

Serena let out something between a laugh and a sob, and relaxed into Blair’s embrace. “And you’re going to be so good,” Blair continued, “Because you know all the stupid things not to do. It’s really better this way.”

Serena reached out for Nate’s hand and he took it, stroking it gently with his thumb. “What if I’m just messed up from being a van der Woodsen, and I don’t love him the way you’re supposed to love your baby?”

It was Nate who answered her this time. “You already love him that way, Serena. I already love him that way.”

Serena’s tears had slowed, and she leaned her head back against her pillow, blinking them away. “I wish I could be as sure as either of you.”

“You will,” Blair said. “When you see him, you’ll know.”

*

And Blair was right, of course, as she was about so many things. Twenty hours later, with her son finally in her arms, Serena was in awe of how much she loved him. He was amazing, the most perfect being she could imagine ever existing in the world, and she knew she could never be like her own mother- she could never, ever leave him.

Nate and Blair had both curled up on the bed with Serena and Christopher, and Chuck finally came in, brushing off Blair’s coos as he agreed to hold the baby. As he took Christopher gently out of Serena’s arms, she turned to look at Nate, smiling. “Maybe,” she said, looking down timidly and then back up at his face, “when you come home with Christopher and me… it would be okay if you stayed.”

Blair, who had been gazing at Chuck and the baby dreamily, snapped to attention, making an excited little gasp. Nate was quiet for a moment, trying to decide on the right words.

“I love you, Serena,” he finally said, because what else was there? That was all that mattered, and all he needed her to know.

She shrugged, grinning. “Whatever. Maybe I love you too.”

Nate leaned in to kiss her as Blair squealed, still on the bed next to them.

Chuck rolled his eyes and looked down at Christopher, running a finger over his soft baby cheek. “Your parents are disgusting. You stick with me, Christo, if you want to know how it’s done.” He paused. “Unless you’re gay. Then I guess you can ask Uncle Eric.”


End file.
